These days

In these days I feel too upset and a little bit disappointed. I'm not willing to accept the reality that everything I pour my affection into always gives me the disapponiting result. It's a fault that I've told it to many of my best friends. In the end, some of them even laughed at me at some extent even though it's only a joke. It hurts my pride. I was given a pretty pretty hard time.
Something is uncontrollable for me. I try my best to prevent myself from sinking into it any more. But the action is always more difficult than the theory. Considering the perspectives of my friends those laughed at me, I'm thinking about whether what I did is really false. But the reality is I've done nothing. I'm just doing what I think a positive thing that may make her happy. Is it still wrong?
I choose giving up love. Emotion is more complicated than mechanism. I prefer to making some achieved things using code. Code never makes me sad or upset. Ration always can not control emotion. Once someone drop in the trap of emotion, how can he climb up out of it by himself? The ideal thing I get used to do is listening some song once and once again.
Maybe only self confiding is the most reliable thing. It's better that nobody should know what I've experienced.